Stunning, chiseled, beautiful sculptured, smart, know it all, modest, humour filled, good public speakers….now I am not describing Dr McDreamy in Greys Anatomy, but its an impression that I worry the nation has of doctors watching these soaps. Doctors in reality are mostly scrawny, nervous, had suffered with acne during medical school, scared of the unpredictable, likes regime and order and are well….ME. Let me explain who I am. Now as a person, I am the person that falls over, the person that gets the food stuck in their front teeth, the person that is too late to laugh at a joke, has an awkward fashion sense and quite honestly says all the wrong things to my family members. But, when I am at work, I press a button on my head and become a professional, as quite honestly I do need to save lives at work, so must leave the cats at home and step up to be the best Superhuman of the hospital. Although, sometimes while trying to be the invincible at work, my inner awkward sidekick at times comes through.
One Thursday morning, I was walking along the corridor of the ward, quite happy with myself having finished the ward round in a timely manner and up to date with the job lists. As I was walking I saw a puddle.
Now let me explain something to you: I love puddles. Whenever I see one, i will the one who jumps in them and pretends they are Olaf the Snowman. I will pretend I am in a black and white film skating through the park when I see a puddle and giggle like a 5 year old child. And this is what I did. I saw the puddle and I jumped, and I jumped and I jumped until there was no more. I felt I was in cloud 9, I imagined jumping in the sky to the rainbows. A large grin on my face, I turned around and saw my senior (known as consultant in the UK/attending physician in USA), and he was not grinning. He was watching me jump and he looked at me in disbelief. He shrieked: “That is not a puddle, it is human PEE!”.
It took a few moments for me to clock on to what he had said. When I eventually did, I suddenly stood frozen in the human pee. I glanced down, then glanced to the side and saw my psychiatric patient standing there with the largest smile I have ever seen to human kind. I had suddenly realised what I had done. Had I just forgot who I was and where I was? And on top of that had I not realised I was inside a building when I saw this puddle?
That was the first day I realised I needed to only wear clothes from the local supermarket in case my inner sidekick decided to come out in the hospital again and ruin my designer Brogues.